So we're down to less than 17 hours before we go in to see the Jelly Bean again. Possibly less than 17 hours before the Jelly Bean turns into a he or she, and less than 17 hours before I can finally stop holding my breath like I'm swimming under water.
That's what I've been doing this past 20 weeks swimming under water holding my breath. I've had days where I've been full of faith and I've had days where my faith has lacked. I've had normal pregnant woman thoughts and I've had thoughts of a mother who has already lost a baby and can't imagine doing it again. Overall I've been doing well with this pregnancy and my normal days outweigh the days I worry. I've been happy, healthy and I have an amazing pregnancy glow that I'm sure I didn't have while pregnant with Vayden.
In hindsight when I think about my pregnancy with Vayden vs the pregnancy with Vashon and this baby, I knew something was wrong. I didn't know how wrong but I knew something. I worried about him from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I think I always knew something was up. I don't have those feelings with this baby, when I find myself worried it's more over protecting this baby from all the winter illnesses that are harmful to young infants.
I've been reminding myself more now that with Vayden I was the minority, things like this don't happen to most families. In my line of work it's hard to remember that fact because it's all you hear about, but in reality infant loss families are the minorities and a new pregnancy has a better chance at being the majority, healthy mommies with healthy babies that go home and live healthy lives.
Any last thoughts or guesses on the gender?
hmm, I'm a little on the fence, my gut still says girl, but my photographs say boy. I look GREAT !! I am crabby which would say girl. lol One thing that I did notice is that this pregnancy has been very easy on me. I have reason to believe that boys cause you drama in the womb and girls give you hell once their out. Let me share:
Vashon - Bled for no reason at 13 wks (reason still unknown), 28 or 29 wks went to the ER with a horrible painful would not go away migraine headache. 33 wks for no reason he just stopped growing and my labor had to be induced at 35 wks. (Problem Child)
Vayden - Early on would not let me eat jalapeno peppers despite my intense craving for them, it wasn't a normal morning sickness it was almost like an intolerance for them. 16 weeks went to the ER with a horrible painful wouldn't go away migraine headache. 18 wks started intervention and between the 4 weeks of that he moved in unsafe spots, pulled on the needles and wouldn't sit still to allow proper measurements. (Problem Child)
So far in this pregnancy i've made it past 13 wks with no bleeding, 16 weeks with no headaches and although I have aversions to foods I don't end up on the toilet for 20 mins. So if I am having a girl know that I said this. Boys give you problems in the womb, girls wait until their out.
Overall I'm keeping high hopes that we go in and find out that everything with the baby looks great and we have a happy healthy baby. I will post the gender news soon.