Please tell me this has something to do with losing Vayden..... Otherwise I'm the mom that everyone hates.
Vashon is a BOY aside from often wanting the "pink" cup or "pink" jar of bubbles, he's rough and tough, and he runs and climbs. I HATE it. I look at him as not only a walking accident but also a walking mess. I find myself investing in more play clothes than real clothes because he's always playing in the dirt or jumping in some puddle. I've been working very hard on letting my clothes issue pass it's just that I take pride in clothes and they are always clean and in good condition. I hate to think that his cute little outfits will soon be in a pile of throw aways vs hand me downs.
The PLAY: I see everything outside as a potential hazard. From skinned knees to poked out eyes. It's a wonder that I like having boys instead of girls. lol. I let him play, fall, climb, and fall again, but I cringe every time I see him running too fast or climbing up something I think he's too small for. I panic inside when he plays around bigger kids, I worry that he may be trampled or hurt by them. And when he comes inside I'm constantly treating the mini scraps on his legs and arms to prevent permanent scaring. Yes I seem normal while we're at the playground, but I'm not.
I know that if I don't let up on this my son will be sheltered and the outcome of my fearfulness can be harmful. That is why I don't say no, unless I view the situation as very unsafe. I just don't know what is wrong with me when it comes to free play. I was able to freely play outside from sun up to sun down. I have ridden my bike into rose bushes and have been bite by a number of insects. I still have 10 fingers 10 toes an all my limbs, yet when it comes to my son I'm a total psycho mom. I want to be normal and let my kid be a kid, I want a BOY who is all BOY and I want to stop panicking whenever he's playing outside or around other kids. Have the times changed or is this a part of my grief that makes me fearful of losing another child?
Any suggestions?
I have not lost a child. I am so very sorry for your loss. I do have 3 sons though. It is very hard to watch them be 'boys'. That is what they want to do; be rough and tough. It can be hard to watch as their mother. I try to let them be boys as long as they are in a situation that is ok for them. Age appropriate etc. I am constantly saying "Be careful", "slow down", "stop jumping" etc.
ReplyDeleteMy youngest is 3 years old and wants to do what his older brothers do. It is a scary time, but I try to let them be unless they are really in a dangerous situation. It is very hard, and I'm sure with your loss it is harder. Hang in there! You have a beautiful family!!
I had four girls first then I miscarried twins,then had a boy,then my baby girl died.
ReplyDeleteSo, I have 4 girls and 1 boy on earth and I tell you what he scares me to death!
He jumps,climbs,etc. but in all honesty I do think losing a child puts that FEAR even deeper on us that have loss.
I get so fearful now then I use too.
Sorry you are going through this too.
I'm the same way with my kids. I was very protective before I lost Devyn, and now, well, i am in the Psycho Mom club now. I also feel it has to do with grief and loss. For me there is such a feeling of loss of control when you lose your baby/child, that you could not protect them no matter how hard you tried, that I have become over protective of my l/c.
ReplyDeleteI am def a hovering mother hen with Kyndra. I'm constantly telling Anth to watch her when I can't be right next to her. I can't be sure whether it's just me or losing a child thing.
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