Tuesday, January 4, 2011

My Last Baby, My Way

Most people learn from their mistakes when subsequent children are born. After our first we learn that sometimes even the very loud cry means, nothings wrong, and I just need some more attention. We realized that we can leave a diaper on until the baby is actually done doing their business, because diapers are expensive to buy. We threw out the baby books and our elders advice and we do it our own way.

One of the things that most first time parents end up dealing with is the "needy baby", the baby that always has to be held or at least be able to see their mommy every minute their awake. So the second time around we let the baby cry a little longer in hopes that they will learn some "independence".

When I was early pregnant with Vayden I knew all the things I was NOT going to do with him that I did with Vashon. Vashon was a pretty good baby, but our issues which still stand were eating and schedule. Vashon is a very picky eater and we can't seem to actually stick to a schedule that works. That means lots of fights over food and crazy nights where he can stay awake longer than us. I knew for sure with Vayden I would not make the same mistakes. Then we lost Vayden :(

So here comes Varen and the things I swore to do different were all by the book. He was going to sleep in his bassinet on his back and I banned anyone including mommy and daddy to fall asleep holding him. Unlike Vashon I didn't want anyone around Varen for at least until he was 2 or 3 weeks. I didn't want give him a pacifier because Vashon was addicted to his and I was going to train him to love all the crazy contraptions we bought for him like the swing, bouncy seat and boppy pillow.(Which meant that I wasn't going to hold him a lot).

Sounds pretty cold huh?

Well you all can sigh in relief because pretty much everything I swore I wouldn't do I have thrown out the window. Varen loves his paci, but loves my breast more :) guest were at my house when he was just a few days old (however I have stuck to one of my rules not allowing children around him) He co sleeps now for most of the night because breastfeeding is much easier when he's laying in bed with me and can eat while I sleep. And although he uses all the cool baby gadgets we hold him quite a bit and of course he favors being held over anything.

Today I was nursing him and he fell asleep while I was burping him, I could have probably held onto him for a few more minutes then put him down, but my arms wouldn't let me put him down. So I sat there rocking my sweetheart and found myself staring at Vayden's picture, I looked down at Varen and heard a lil naggy voice in my head saying "you're going to wish you didn't hold that baby so much". I went to put Varen down and once again I just couldn't, and then I realized that I didn't have to. I'm a SAHM and I will be for a long time, if he develops a need to be held it wont be anyones burden but mine, but like many other things Varen wont go to High School in my arms.

I didn't get to hold Vayden all night long and didn't get to feel him wiggle in my arms. So I'm going to hold Varen as long as I want and I'll deal with the consequences of my actions if and when they come, but one thing I'll know is that I enjoyed every moment of the baby stage with Varen which many times parents miss out on when number 2 + are born. Varen is already 6 weeks old, so clearly time is speeding by and since he is my last I'm just going to soak it all in.


  1. I can relate to what you are saying. Up until the last 3 yrs I worked. After our move to Nevada I was a SAHM and then I had my rainbow. I know at 20 months now I do more with her than I prolly did with all the others but she's my baby & it feels good.

  2. I completely understand! You hold and rock that precious baby anytime! :) Joy Michelle feels so good snuggled up on my chest,and I too think of her sister in Heaven often when she is in that position.

  3. You go girl. You do what you need to do....and whatever works is what will prevail. I"m all for holding them as much as you need/want to. And though I'm going to have share this rainbow baby more than I had to the last baby I brought home (5 1/2 years ago), I'm going to hold him a lot, too. Sounds like you are happy and you are doing a great job. A great mommy for sure!

  4. Do what YOU feel is best! There are several studies that show that babies who are held and worn form a schedule on their own and do very well all around.

  5. I totally get it! I hold Lainey a lot more than I ever held Kyndra. Carleigh changed my parenting style.

  6. You hold that baby as much as you want sweetie! <3


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