So How is Breasfeeding Going????

Months ago I wrote a post about my struggles with buying a breast pump and breastfeeding all together. I got wonderful support and encouragement about the idea but even days before delievery I contemplated saying "forget it all". It seemed like the closer I got to Varen being born the more I would think that maybe breastfeeding wasn't worth it. My goal went from 1 year to 6 months, then to 3 months and I even once said "if I could at least make it two weeks."

The Thursday before I went in to labor Van and I attended a breast feeding basics class and at the time both our spirits were lifted about the choice to breastfeed our baby. When I was asked if I had a birth plan all I said is I would like to breast feed and I would like skin to skin soon after he was born.

Varen didn't latch on until 12 hours after he was born, but once he did he was a pro at it. With the help of a great lactation support team and a supportive husband breastfeeding didn't seem all that bad. Until we realized that Varen wasn't just a little tired, he was lazy. He didn't wake up for his next feeding until 10 hours later despite my efforts to try to wake him. Breastfeeding Varen was becoming quite a chore. The lactation team at the hospital continued to support and encourage me and we began to use lactation aids and finger feeding little Varen. At one point even they suggested we supplement with a little formula. By the time we got home I was in charge of pumping while Van finger fed Varen with a small tube (I was unable to do it because of my finger nails). I was happy he was getting my milk, but my heart was broken that my own child was too tired to feed from his mother. I felt defeated and was even a little jealous of my husband. I now understand how some fathers feel, when the mother breastfeeds.

Here I was the person who once wanted to exclusively pump heartbroken that my baby wasn't breastfeeding. But my sweet Varen overcame, in fact he is the baby that I wanted him to be. He latches onto the breast and now takes bottles too. He does fine with the flip flop of bottle to breast and as long as he gets his food he really doesn't care.

Van got what he wanted, I got what I wanted and breastfeeding is an amazing thing. I can't believe I'm saying this but I LOVE IT. I've made it passed what most call "two weeks of hell" and if it only gets better from here then I could end up one of those women that breastfeeds until her child is 3 yrs old. Just Kidding. :)