On Saturday (11/20) my family had a lazy day, we just hung out at the house watching TV and being lazy. While Van was down stairs watching a full day of college football, I decided to go upstairs to watch some movies. I joked with my husband when he saw what movies I was taking upstairs. Baby Mama, Knocked Up, and Fools Rush In. I said "maybe if I watch enough movies about babies being born this boy will come out."
It was about 11pm and I was watching Knocked Up for the 2nd time when I started having sharp pains down my right side, it was worse than any pain I felt and lasted for about 45 seconds. I felt about 3 of those before I forced myself up to walk downstairs to have Van start timing these "pains". I wasn't sure if they were real contractions but I was in pain. Van began the clock and the pains ranged from 4-6 min apart. I was in a bit of denial but knew that I probably should get ready..."just in case". I phoned my mom to tell her I thought I may be in labor and while we were talking I started to cry. I wasn't ready to be in labor, I wasn't ready to have my baby. I got myself together and went upstairs to put the finishing touches on my bag and take a shower. At the end of my shower the contractions moved further apart and were spaced between 10-15 min and they weren't very painful. Van asked if I wanted to go get checked I said no I'll just try to get some rest and maybe go in the morning. I didn't get any sleep that night, off and on the pains continued. It was 530am when I woke Van up and said maybe we should go get checked. We didn't want to inconvenience anyone for a false alarm so we woke Vashon up and took him with us, the contractions were not so bad that we wouldn't be able to get care for him in the event I was in active labor.
We got up and got ready and were at the hospital around 630am, they hooked me up to the monitor and came in to check me at around 730am I was 3 cm dilated. She said they were going to watch me for one more hour to see if I was worth admitting. I waited as my contractions seemed to slow down and thought I'd be going home but coming back in the next couple of days. The nurse came in at 845am to do another check and I had went from 3 to 6 in 1 hour. WOW!!!!
I was admitted and taken to a L&D room. On Wed at my apt, my midwife told me that I had to hold the baby in until Sunday, because she was going away from Thur - Sun. I thought to myself well he listened to her, I guess.
The on call midwife was the same midwife that worked on call the day after I had Vayden, she was also the one person that actually sat in my room and really talked to me after my loss. Most of the staff would be quick and short, but she came in to ask questions and she allowed me to laugh and cry with her, she also told me the story of her loss to ensure that I did not feel alone. Out of all the midwives she would have been my next choice.
The delivery was very different from my other two. I was dilated to 7 1/2 and still smiling as you see in the photo above, I probably could have gone all the way, but my water bag had not been broken yet and I was just too afraid to do it all natural. I never mentally prepared myself to go without and epidural, I went back and forth when they told me that if I wanted one I'd have to get it now otherwise it would be too late. I chose to get it and I think I kind of did wait too long because I felt EVERYTHING. lol.
They broke my bag and I progressed within the hour & was ready to start pushing. In the room it was the midwife, 1 nurse, my husband and myself. The lights were turned down low and the Cowboys game was on, the midwife said you can push whenever you feel like it. It was such a serene experience, aside from feeling LIKE EVERYTHING. I pushed for about 15-20 min and Varen Jacob Stewart was born on November 21,2010 at 1:57pm. A few min after he was born the Dallas Cowboys won and my die hard Dallas Cowboy fan husband was in a very happy place.
We wanted immediate skin to skin to help promote successful breastfeeding and that close mother baby bond. They wiped him off a lil, let Van cut the cord and put him on my chest. Then something that has never happened in any of my deliveries, they left the room. They just left us with our baby, the gave us time to bond. It was about 20 min before we even knew his birth weight. It was amazing, he was our baby and that made it very clear. We gave all the glory to God for bringing him into this world with a strong cry and peeing. He looked so tiny and and just like Vashon and Vayden. Varen weighed in at 6 lbs even the biggest baby I've ever had but still smaller than I expected.
This is a picture of our new family. I hesitate to say it's complete because we're always missing a special someone. We include him through photographs and Brother Bear, but this amazing photo would be 10x more amazing had the real Vayden been in the middle.
Varen is at home now. He was having some issues with being a lazy baby, he gave me quite a scare yesterday when I noticed he had no poop or pee diapers but was eating. I took him to the ER and they ran a series of test and ruled out that he was just a lazy baby and maybe needed some time. That night we got home, he gave out the biggest poop and pee diaper ever, he's starting to latch back on the breast but still a lil sleepy head. We had to finger feed him my expressed milk and even give him a few bottles of formula to supplement. He's doing a lot better with breastfeeding and I am pumping like a mad woman. I want to use as little formula as possible.
We are so blessed to have little Varen home and we are truly in love. Vashon doesn't like but doesn't dislike the baby. He will speak to him but he wont touch him. He wants nothing to do with him and he usually wont be in the same room with him. We are trying extra hard to make sure that Vashon is helping out, feels loved and not left out now that the baby is home. In fact every time Van leaves and comes back now Vashon asks "daddy what did you buy me?". Van has got him use to something we can't keep up, so the gifts are getting smaller and less frequent.
Emotionally I still have a huge kick of adrenaline and I am in business mode, I am determined to give him as much breast milk as possible, I am determined to keep order in my home and I don't want to fall behind on things or schedules. I'm more anal now than I've ever been. I've had a chance to cry over the loss of Vayden, cry over the overwhelming feeling of having two kids in the house and accept that my body will probably never be the one it was when I was 21 yrs old. But I'm pretty sure that once my boost falls I will be a mess and yet another blog post will come.
One thing that is very different from my other babies is I am not really ready for company. Of course I want to show off my beautiful baby but at the same time I want to feel settled into something before my house is flooded with guest wanting to see baby Varen.
I hope I will be able to keep up with blogging because it truly is therapy for me, but I know that 2 in the house is harder than 1 so we shall see.
Thank you for reading my birth story, Varen is a story of hope, and he is our testimony that God is good and all things work together for good those that love God. -
